Long before I started escorting, I used to offer a service videoing couples. It was really quite a privileged occupation - to be granted a glimpse into the intimate lives of various couples, and also a lot of fun of course. One of the couples I met long before I started escorting, I used to offer a service videoing couples. It was really quite a privileged occupation - to be granted a glimpse into the intimate lives of various couples, and also a lot of fun of course. One of the couples I met were a bit nervous and the woman had to get herself very drunk before she was able to go through with it. Under the influence of 1 1/2 bottles of red wine, she told me something she and her husband had never told any of their friends or family: that they had met when she was an escort and he was her client. I thought it was a beautiful, romantic story, along the lines of Pretty Woman. But it wasn't until I started escorting myself, that I realised just how special (unusual?) their relationship was.
In the emails I receive, and the various threads on the Forum, one theme keeps re-occurring - that of escort/client relationships. It is not only the clients who ponder over this subject: it is an issue which most escorts have to confront from time to time, even the most die-hard professionals.
Relationships are usually complex. The beauty of the archetypal client/escort relationship is that it is very simple: a straightforward exchange. The contract is agreed at the outset and the rules are fully understood by both parties. This is how most escorts, and probably most clients, want it. However, we are human beings. And that means that we do not always run according to plan.
The first problem is that neither the escort nor the client wants to feel that she is 'just doing a job'. Let's be clear: it *is* a job. This is her livelihood. A good escort will often think of it as her career and will pride herself on her professionalism. OK, it's a short career but then, so is an air stewardess's, a dancer's, a model's. Just because she is clearly not going to be able to do this until the age of 60, don't imagine that she doesn't take it seriously as an occupation. There are a few escorts who regard escorting as a stop-gap until they find something better; but, for many, it is a job which they do well and which they enjoy.
Unless an escort is totally detached from what she is doing, she is going to make it as fun for herself as possible. The best way of doing this is to get to know and like her clients, and to find things about them which turn her on. The novelty of meeting perfect strangers wears off after a while and a regular client becomes a familiar friend; a date that you can look forward to without a twinge of apprehension.
This is where the clear lines drawn out before the initial meeting can start to become blurred. Emotions come into play, and it is hard to be sure how much of your interaction is 'real' and how much is just 'part of the Game'. In most cases, I would say that a relationship like that is unlikely to develop into a romance, mainly because one or both parties would rather maintain the status quo. But, it does happen. And certainly clients do often become real friends, and the relationship inevitably becomes complicated.
That's one scenario; and the most common. The other scenario is like the couple I met: you meet as escort/client but you fall instantly in love and know immediately that you want something different from the relationship. I've heard about these fairytale encounters, but it's never happened to me or anyone I know (apart from that couple of course) and I have to assume that it is pretty rare.
There are clients who go into meeting escorts with the idea that they might meet the woman of their dreams. There are also escorts who go into escorting with the hope (or intention) of finding a rich guy to sweep them off their feet Cinderella style and 'take them away from all this'. I think either is a fatal approach. These people may even meet each other eventually but, while he is looking for love, she is looking for an escape route and it is hardly a solid basis for a relationship. My advice is: if you are looking for a lover, use an introductions agency, not an escort agency. The majority of escorts have someone in their life already and are not even open to anything beyond a business arrangement. Thankfully, most clients are in a similar boat - that's why the arrangement works. The chances of finding the love of your life this way (especially if you go out looking for her) are probably very very slim.
However, that's not to suggest that it can't happen. Love can strike at the most unexpected moments. As I said earlier, relationships are complex. A relationship with someone you met as an escort/client is even more so. On the male side, is the issue: is she just after my money; a financial escape-route? (And, yes, she could well be - make sure that you go into this with your eyes open!) On the female side it is: is he just after free sex? In other words, is he just looking for a regular arrangement where he doesn't have to pay? Mistrust can creep in and, once that happens, you are pretty much doomed. I think the bottom line is - you either go with it wholeheartedly and take the risk of being wrong, and getting hurt, or else don't bother. If you do decide to go with it, you then have to face the issue of what she is doing for a living. Firstly, does she want to stop? If not, can you cope with her dating and fucking other guys? And, if you can, will that make her feel that you don't really care about her? If she does want to give it up, are you willing and able to help her to do that? Are you willing, for example, to offer the financial support she needs to move on? And, if you do, won't that lead you back to wondering whether she is with you for the right reasons? And won't she also feel 'obligated' towards you because you have helped her, leading to feelings of pressure and resentment?
It's not easy. My advice is - never try to persuade her to give up escorting. If she wants to continue with it, that is a good sign because it shows that she values her independence. Try to understand and to share in what she is doing - after all, that is a part of her, and it would also be rather hypocritical of you to condemn it when you met her that way yourself. If she tells you that she wants to give it up, then she is effectively asking for your help. You have to decide then whether you are willing to take the risk that that is all she is after. One thing is likely though - that if she asks for your help and you don't help her, it is probably the first nail in the coffin of your relationship.
I know a lot of guys who have partners who escort, and who handle it very well. However, I don't know any guys in that situation who were previously clients. I think this is because turning a client into a lover is a very difficult process - it's like having to reinvent yourself. You may even have to go back to the boy-meets-girl beginning and start again from scratch. Coming to terms with an escort's way of life once you are already established as lovers is one thing, but trying to do it when you are not even sure what your relationship exactly is, is quite another. All I can say is - you have been warned!
were a bit nervous and the woman had to get herself very drunk before she was able to go through with it. Under the influence of 1 1/2 bottles of red wine, she told me something she and her husband had never told any of their friends or family: that they had met when she was an escort and he was her client. I thought it was a beautiful, romantic story, along the lines of Pretty Woman. But it wasn't until I started escorting myself, that I realised just how special (unusual?) their relationship was.
In the emails I receive, and the various threads on the Forum, one theme keeps re-occurring - that of escort/client relationships. It is not only the clients who ponder over this subject: it is an issue which most escorts have to confront from time to time, even the most die-hard professionals.
Relationships are usually complex. The beauty of the archetypal client/escort relationship is that it is very simple: a straightforward exchange. The contract is agreed at the outset and the rules are fully understood by both parties. This is how most escorts, and probably most clients, want it. However, we are human beings. And that means that we do not always run according to plan.
The first problem is that neither the escort nor the client wants to feel that she is 'just doing a job'. Let's be clear: it *is* a job. This is her livelihood. A good escort will often think of it as her career and will pride herself on her professionalism. OK, it's a short career but then, so is an air stewardess's, a dancer's, a model's. Just because she is clearly not going to be able to do this until the age of 60, don't imagine that she doesn't take it seriously as an occupation. There are a few escorts who regard escorting as a stop-gap until they find something better; but, for many, it is a job which they do well and which they enjoy.
Unless an escort is totally detached from what she is doing, she is going to make it as fun for herself as possible. The best way of doing this is to get to know and like her clients, and to find things about them which turn her on. The novelty of meeting perfect strangers wears off after a while and a regular client becomes a familiar friend; a date that you can look forward to without a twinge of apprehension.
This is where the clear lines are drawn out before the initial meeting can start to become blurred. Emotions come into play, and it is hard to be sure how much of your interaction is 'real' and how much is just 'part of the Game'. In most cases, I would say that a relationship like that is unlikely to develop into a romance, mainly because one or both parties would rather maintain the status quo. But, it does happen. And certainly clients do often become real friends, and the relationship inevitably becomes complicated.
That's one scenario; and the most common. The other scenario is like the couple I met: you meet as escort/client but you fall instantly in love and know immediately that you want something different from the relationship. I've heard about these fairytale encounters, but it's never happened to me or anyone I know (apart from that couple of course) and I have to assume that it is pretty rare.
There are clients who go into meeting escorts with the idea that they might meet the woman of their dreams. There are also escorts who go into escorting with the hope (or intention) of finding a rich guy to sweep them off their feet Cinderella style and 'take them away from all this'. I think either is a fatal approach. These people may even meet each other eventually but, while he is looking for love, she is looking for an escape route and it is hardly a solid basis for a relationship. My advice is: if you are looking for a lover, use an introductions agency, not an escort agency. The majority of escorts have someone in their life already and are not even open to anything beyond a business arrangement. Thankfully, most clients are in a similar boat - that's why the arrangement works. The chances of finding the love of your life this way (especially if you go out looking for her) are probably very very slim.
However, that's not to suggest that it can't happen. Love can strike at the most unexpected moments. As I said earlier, relationships are complex. A relationship with someone you met as an escort/client is even more so. On the male side, is the issue: is she just after my money; a financial escape-route? (And, yes, she could well be - make sure that you go into this with your eyes open!) On the female side, it is: is he just after free sex? In other words, is he just looking for a regular arrangement where he doesn't have to pay? Mistrust can creep in and, once that happens, you are pretty much doomed. I think the bottom line is - you either go with it wholeheartedly and take the risk of being wrong, and getting hurt, or else don't bother. If you do decide to go with it, you then have to face the issue of what she is doing for a living. Firstly, does she want to stop? If not, can you cope with her dating and fucking other guys? And, if you can, will that make her feel that you don't really care about her? If she does want to give it up, are you willing and able to help her to do that? Are you willing, for example, to offer the financial support she needs to move on? And, if you do, won't that lead you back to wondering whether she is with you for the right reasons? And won't she also feel 'obligated' towards you because you have helped her, leading to feelings of pressure and resentment?
It's not easy. My advice is - never try to persuade her to give up escorting. If she wants to continue with it, that is a good sign because it shows that she values her independence. Try to understand and to share in what she is doing - after all, that is a part of her, and it would also be rather hypocritical of you to condemn it when you met her that way yourself. If she tells you that she wants to give it up, then she is effectively asking for your help. You have to decide then whether you are willing to take the risk that that is all she is after. One thing is likely though - that if she asks for your help and you don't help her, it is probably the first nail in the coffin of your relationship.
I know a lot of guys who have partners who escort, and who handle it very well. However, I don't know any guys in that situation who were previous clients. I think this is because turning a client into a lover is a very difficult process - it's like having to reinvent yourself. You may even have to go back to the boy-meets-girl beginning and start again from scratch. Coming to terms with an escort's way of life once you are already established as lovers is one thing, but trying to do it when you are not even sure what your relationship exactly is, is quite another. All I can say is - you have been warned!
