The backdoor is a very sensitive area. Many women now enjoy sensual stimulation, and that’s wonderful! Anal sex is now almost the norm for women in society, and it’s also clear that most gay men enjoy practicing it. So we now know how wonderfully and excitingly the backdoor can be integrated into lovemaking. One question remains, however: Why on earth is it okay for women and gay men to enjoy it, but for most straight men it’s an absolute no-go? Let’s take a look at the male psyche…
“Nobody touches my ass!”
A clear statement from an ex-boyfriend. Why, I wanted to know. “I’m not gay! And I’m the man here, I penetrate, that’s my part!” The question of whether I could perhaps pleasure his anus a little made him really angry. Many straight men react this way initially; they almost feel attacked. This is due to classic gender stereotypes: A man who acts passively during anal sex is not masculine, even weak, and definitely gay. In our society, the roles are obviously clearly defined: The man gives, the woman receives. And this in 2020, in which equality, paternity leave, and sexual diversity seem to be completely normal. But straight men who allow themselves to be pleasured anally? Well, that seems to be where a line has been crossed. Or has it?
In a time that presents itself as relatively open, tolerant, and diverse in most areas, things like anal sex still seem to be taboo for straight men. But it wasn’t always like this: We go back to the ancient Greeks and Romans, for whom wild orgies and sexual freedom were simply part of a good party. This meant: everyone with everyone, however they pleased. Because straight men were perfectly aware that another man could simply act and arouse them differently than their partner at home. Even back then, things like the prostate were known, although not as thoroughly researched as today. But men knew at that time how incredibly arousing stimulation could be. Things have changed since then; men often feel their sexual orientation is being questioned when someone tries to explore their backdoor and tend to clam up.
The discussion before strap-on sex
I’ve had the pleasure of being with a more open-minded man. He dared to cross that boundary with me for the first time, and it all started with a conversation. We occasionally had anal sex in the traditional way, and I enjoyed massaging his perineum during oral sex. Since he really liked that, I asked him if we wanted to go a little further. This led to a very open conversation in which he expressed his fears and concerns. What can I say? They were exactly the same ones I had before my first time from behind. Things like the pain, the fear of unpleasant smells, and also the worry that he wouldn’t enjoy it at all were discussed. And that was absolutely crucial! Trust and respect are fundamental; without them, you can’t expect a man, or a woman, to engage in anal play. So we discussed the theory and then put it into practice…
The first steps
As previously described, I enjoyed touching my perineum while pleasuring my partner in other ways. So I continued to make sure to always offer him stimulation he was already familiar with and that we knew he liked – and in the meantime, I gradually began exploring his anus. From the perineum, I moved upwards to the anus, initially just gently placing my finger and applying a little careful pressure.
Tip 1: To ease initial tension, combine gentle anal stimulation with tried-and-tested techniques like hand or mouth stimulation. This will definitely help him relax and give him a direct glimpse into the diverse stimulation he can experience thanks to you. These techniques include ass fingering, ass rimming, but don’t rush into fisting.
Enjoyment without pressure
We talked a lot after sex about the new, additional sensations. The first phase lasted about a month for us, but you should take as much time as you need. If he feels comfortable, great! If he wants to go further, fantastic! But don’t pressure him; you certainly wouldn’t have wanted that for yourself. For him, the whole anal play thing might be a bit more uncertain than for you, since you can’t really talk about it with your male friends the way women talk to their girlfriends. He’ll be particularly vulnerable with you in those moments, so respect his boundaries and only proceed if he gives his okay!
Tip 2: You need time, empathy and honest feedback. Casually stroking his anus during a quickie is tricky because the rapid movements can easily make him a bit too rough with his sensitive backdoor. Make sure he’s comfortable and enjoying everything you’re doing. Only then can you proceed.
More is possible with lubricant
Our next step wouldn’t have been possible without lube. We shifted our focus to anal sex and let the penis be a penis for once. He lay on his stomach, I sat on his thighs, and with plenty of lube , I began to gently massage his anus. He obviously enjoyed the massage immensely, and that’s no wonder: countless sensitive nerve endings lead to the anus, and loving touches provide arousal at its peak. We used special anal lube for the prostate massage because regular lube absorbs into the skin quite quickly, creating too much resistance.
After about 15 minutes of gentle circular movements, his anus was relaxed and loose enough to allow me to put my finger inside. A major hurdle, which we overcame step by step with plenty of time.
Tip 3: The right equipment reduces stress and pain. Get yourself a suitable lubricant and focus on quality – it’s worth it!
The first toys
Meanwhile, our sex life was much more varied! His orgasms were more intense when we included anal sex, and the new sensations also led to more creativity and more unusual positions in everyday life.
We reached the point where we wanted more. The intervals between our first steps became shorter, and so we incorporated butt plugs into our lovemaking. And it was incredible! The combination of vaginal sex and the butt plug in his backdoor gave him longer-lasting, more intense, and more complex orgasms. And we both loved that! We both desired each other more than in the beginning, and it got better and better every time.
Tip 4: Use this new situation to your advantage! As a woman, make sure your needs aren’t neglected and combine anal stimulation with other erogenous zones. Get creative and try new positions where the buttplug feels different.
The ultimate thrill: The prostate vibrator
An incredibly exciting journey lay behind us. We tried new things, thought outside the box, and our sex life was better than ever. He enjoyed the orgasms of his life, and there was only one thing left we were both curious about: What does a prostate vibrator feel like?
Although he was eager to try it, this final hurdle proved more difficult than expected. Butt plugs offer great preparation for vibrators or dildos, however, the size of the prostate vibrator we had at the time was quite different.
We took our time again, stretching with butt plugs and using copious amounts of lube. Just like the whole way before, he dictated the pace and when it no longer felt good. With patience and after lots of fun, he was able to enjoy this completely new prostate stimulation. It was an absolute dream come true for him!
Tip 5: When it’s over, it’s over! Whether you go all the way to a prostate vibrator, then get a strap-on, or a gentle massage is a highlight for you. You can try whatever you want! But when someone reaches their limit, that’s it, and that must be respected. And I can assure you, even small steps lead to a more diverse sex life!
Every minute and every drop of lubricant along the way was absolutely worth it! We both gained completely new experiences, and our trust in each other grew with every step.
The prostate vibrator was an absolute highlight for him, and everything new we learned about has enriched our sex life in a lasting way.
So that was it, the little story about great progress and how to give an experienced man one or two new sensations.
We sincerely hope that one day more men will overcome their inhibitions about passive anal sex and open to new experiences, and that more women will approach this topic with love and without prejudice. Then every relationship can lead to an even more intense and fulfilling sex life, and trust will be strengthened as a side effect.
Why not just give it a try? Give us a call and book a strapon escort in Central London right away!