Orgasm control sounds like a contradiction at first glance. After all, isn’t the whole point of sex to let go, which means gradually losing control? It’s precisely this understanding that orgasm denial, as a kink, exploits.
Another person takes control of sexual arousal. They determine how long one has to wait for orgasm (edging) and when one is finally allowed to come, if at all. It’s obvious that this is a powerful weapon in the arsenal of a Dom or Dominatrix. This form of power dynamic is what we want to explore here.
Edging – getting to know yourself
In practice, orgasm denial (or edging) is quite simple. It begins with stimulating yourself as usual. But as you progress, you focus more on the physical sensations that arise as orgasm approaches. You try to hold onto that sensation. Perhaps you can delay the climax, or perhaps you have to stop the stimulation altogether or even do something that’s a turnoff for you. In any case, the goal is to get as close as possible to the “big O” without the orgasm actually happening.
Like any sexual practice, orgasm control takes practice. It’s to be expected that the first time you try this technique, you won’t be able to prevent climax despite your best efforts. Edging simply takes a lot of time and practice to perfect. After a while, you’ll be able to repeat this “approach and retreat” before orgasm over and over again. You’ll then get an orgasm much more intense than usual – similar to a pressure cooker that eventually can’t withstand the increasing pressure.
Sometimes, an edging session ends with multiple orgasms, even for people who don’t usually get them. That alone should be reason enough to give edging a try. But it’s not the only benefit. Much more important (and pleasant) is learning how your body feels when you’re about to climax. That way, you’ll be able to recognize that moment when playing with a partner. Controlling the timing of your orgasm will become increasingly easier. And will make you last longer. Having just one orgasm while she has 6 is usually a good thing. And impressive, nonetheless.
Another form of orgasm control is shallowing. It has nothing to do with BDSM or power play, it’s just regular sex where the penis only enters a few centimeters in the vagina for a longer period of time. It’s similar to edging as it postpones the orgasm, by postponing the thrusting that gives her the orgasm.
Orgasm control in BDSM
Edging is extremely popular among kinksters. No wonder, because in a power-difference relationship, it can be a remarkably effective way for the top to exert control over the sub.
Orgasm control and edging are profound interventions in a person’s sexuality, requiring a high degree of responsibility for the mental and physical well-being of the Dominatrix. All participants must be comfortable with the game and able to renegotiate the rules or even end a session at any time.
The difference between edging and tease and denial
Edging is similar to tease and denial – stimulating, but denying the Sub’s orgasm. The difference is that in tease and denial, the orgasm is being denied on purpose by the Dominatrix or Dom as a form of control, while in edging, the purpose is to extend the pleasure and increase the orgasm’s intensity.
Orgasm denial in a session
The Dominatrix commands her Sub to stimulate himself, or she’s stimulating him herself. If he wants to cum, he must ask the Dominatrix for permission, but she will refuse it for as long as possible. If he orgasms without permission, he will be punished.
The beauty of edging is that it combines very well with other kinks. For example, he can apply nipple clamps, the intense pain of which will initially make her orgasm seem a distant prospect. Edging could also be used to guide a submissive more quickly to his”soft limits”. (Remember: approaching hard limits is taboo; soft limits can be explored together if this has been agreed upon).
Toys used for orgasm denial
Fans of edging and orgasm control sometimes use sophisticated toys. For female submissives, there are chastity belts, while male submissives can use penis cages. Both restrict or completely block access to the genital area. The power exchange reaches its peak when the dominant partner receives the key and can essentially unlock the submissive for play.
Another toy suitable for first attempts at orgasm denial is the cock ring. A more or less gentle constriction of the penis shaft restricts blood flow, thus prolonging the erection while simultaneously making ejaculation more difficult.
Risks of orgasm denial
Edging is one of the safest forms of sexual activity, but it still carries some risks. You should not wear a cock ring for more than 20 minutes at a time. Devices like penis cages and chastity belts are designed to be worn for extended periods, but we advise caution. Don’t blindly follow the manufacturer’s instructions. Use common sense before risking any permanent damage. Hygiene is also very important. Please don’t lock anyone in one of these devices and then lose the key or take it away. If you decide to buy a chastity device, avoid cheap products. After all, you don’t want your partner to get hurt.
Orgasm denial
Aside from being a fantastic way to learn more about yourself and how to delay orgasm, edging rightfully holds a place as a cornerstone in the BDSM community.
There is no better way to concretely exercise the power of a Dominatrix than to take complete control over the orgasms of a Sub.